Rehearsals and performances and colds...

I'm excited about having this new blog, so I'm writing twice in one day.

I feel like I must address my issue with the rehearsal process and how my suspicions (or knowledge) about how people think of me affects my performance. I feel like I've grown very much as a singer this year, but in my church choir performances, you're really never know. It's like a revert to the singer I was, because my director (who shall remain nameless) makes me nervous. I'm not even sure whether or not his feelings towards me as a singer/person are real or of my own invention, but my nerves surround how he thinks of my performance inevitably will sabotage how I sing. I must focus on a couple of things surrounding this issue: First, I must release the anxiety about how others feel about me/think about me. Hard to do as a performer! But I must center myself in the music and music making, and perform to my own standards (which are high) and not to others'. Secondly, I must learn to control my nerves. I found in my jury that an aria that I LOVE singing became less fun and probably less good because of how I thought the faculty would receive it. I need to return to having FUN on stage, to being reverent on stage, to being passionate and therefore musical on stage. Caring about what other people think will pretty much guarantee that my larynx will find it's way up my nose!

I will give myself credit for how well I sang today with a cold and how I recovered from a rough start of the rehearsal. I must also focus on the positive!

I look forward to singing lots of Christmas Carols tomorrow and being done with all solo duties as of 9:45. Then I can sit back and relax until midnight, enjoy the music and a beautiful church with lovely choir members.

NEXT time I write will be a detailed list of what this blog will cover, but if my enthusiasm continues with it, I expect it will cover everything from my thoughts on learning Carmen to what I need to buy at the grocery store! You can all blame Julia Cameron for my verbosity.