Greek!!!

Eddy's a "Mother-Fucker"... literally and figuratively. ;-)

Come and see Chicago Opera Vanguard's production of GREEK, an 80's punk retelling of the Oedipus Rex story by Mark-Anthony Turnage, resident composer of the CSO.



http://www.chicagovanguard.org/www/index.htm

the weight of unmade art

There's something both exhilarating and intimidating about free time and a mild inspiration. I found myself at home tonight, alone except for the dogs... with hours of time to do things. I retrieved my easel from my old apartment, which will enable me to paint again... but it is daunting to paint again after not doing it for months. "What if it's bad and I forgot how?," says my subconscious, my "censor" as Julia Cameron would say. So instead I drew... harmless and easy. Perhaps tomorrow I will put water in my tin can with the brushes in it, put a little paint on some cardboard and wait for the brush to move itself as it sometimes does when you forget to try.

The same goes for singing... if I only have an hour sandwiched between class and a rehearsal to practice, I practice. But with hours and hours and hours at my disposal, somehow I avoid it? Realizing what I was doing, I forced myself to sing... and it was productive. But, damn, was it hard to get myself to do it! That's why God invented practice rooms... to eliminate the distraction of DVR. ;-)

I've read some other people's blogs in my class, and I'm worried that mine is extremely narcissistic (and poorly written). I think I've been musing too much on Virginia Woolf's diary entries... Still, I must remember that she did not write in that journal intending for the world to read her words. Saving my uncensored thoughts for my uncensored journal...

Ceremonies

Saturday was crazily long... emotional (both celebratory and remorseful) and full of so many faces that have been so familiar to me for so long. The two halves of my life, really.

The morning was spent at my Grandfather's funeral, where the priest was 15 minutes late for the service because of traffic on the Edens. I take issue with church services because, as a musician who is part of the "production", you see the nuts and bolts behind what is for many their most spiritual experience. For me, it has always made it seem less spiritual in this revelation, seeing the business side of the music and its preparation, how the priests (this is a very general statement and does not apply to all spiritual officients) sometimes just go through the motions while their congregation relies of them for spiritual guidance (the congregation is often guilty of the same disassociation from the spiritual, but that is a WHOLE other tangent...). So my experience on Saturday was unique, because even though this was MY Grandfather's funeral, I had to be "working" and part of that aspect of "ceremony"... and I really dislike it.

Ok, and not all of this has to do with the church, but also my own inner turmoil and the ego surrounding being a singer. After finally finishing my last piece, just before the "rememberences", I just broke down. Partly because I was watching my uncles and father talk about Grandpa, and that's emotional, but really it was a release because I hadn't been able to feel anything yet... my mind and heart was surrounding my own "performance". This fact makes me feel extremely guilty. Honestly, I'm not an experienced Cantor and so definitely made a number of mistakes throughout the service, and this made me feel bad because it happened in front of my whole family. And really, my ego wants everyone to think I'm really great. And that I'm worried about what others think about me at my Grandfather's FUNERAL... ugh. I was disgusted with myself. But that's what the embarassment was... not being perfect in front of all these people I knew. Anyway... for those not involved as I was, it was a beautiful tribute. My Grandfather served very valiently in the Navy during WWII, even having his ship sunk, and there was a flag ceremony after the service. In the end, no one really cared about my slip ups or when my larynx was higher than I would have liked. And someday I hope to disassociate from that ego-centered nature of singing... particularly in these situations.


After that was the wedding of my friend Pete Wojtowicz. We've know each other since we were in high school at NHSMI at Northwestern... "band camp", as I like to call it. ;-) It was a beautiful ceremony with William Butler Yeats poetry read instead of convoluted Bible passages, a homily from Ryan Scammell, a friend of the couple, who actually knew them and didn't need to ask questions about their lives and history to create the perfect "homily". I don't mean to bash religion, but I just feel like religions began with ceremonies like this one... where people were doing what felt right and natural... and then they became dogma. Never to be changed or questioned.

I spent the day surrounded by amazing people. My family, my cousins, aunts and uncles, my brothers, my parents... and then I left them to jump in a strech SUV limo (which I usually distain and criticize, but at that moment realized why so many people find them fun on occassion) with my older "brothers", these college friends I've now known for at least a decade, who I can see after a year apart and pick up like we had just hung out yesterday. I danced away the stress of the morning and laughed at my great fortune to have met so many wonderful people during this lifetime.

I seem to have deterred from the title of this blog... Ah well. Living life is, very much, a part of being an opera singer and an artist. Right?

A final entry?

I don't know if I'll continue this blog after grad seminar is over, but I'm not ready to do my "final" entry yet.

The master class for Mary Jane Johnson was very interesting. I was glad to get En vain up and on its feet... I believe it could be a good audition piece in contrast with the Habanera. She didn't have much technically to say to me... which either means that she thought I was good or boring. ;-)

Tomorrow I have to sing at my grandfather's funeral. This will be a difficult task. I will sing the Durufle Requiem "Pie Jesu", which has historically given me trouble, but it's such a gorgeous piece and I can do it well not that my technique is solid. My father is speaking, and I'm afraid that seeing his emotions will bring mine up into my throat... but I believe I can be strong for this. I want to sing well so to honor the great man that my grandfather, William L. McKechney, was. I am glad to be able to do this to help out my family, relieve a little stress, and to honor his memory in the best way I know how. I'm glad to have my brothers home, even if just for a couple of days and for a sad reason... because they make me laugh.

Rehearsal for Greek was wonderful tonight. I am so excited about this piece both dramatically and musically. I will get involved in the advertisement so lots of people come. Still a TON of musical work to do, but it's coming along...