Well, I felt like I got my ass kicked by Turnage today, even though I've never met the man.
I spent a great deal of time learning the Greek score, but I focused primarily on my arias and duets and much of the ensembles fell to the wayside. I will do much more work on those horrid trouble areas tomorrow. I'm about to make excuses, which would include the reasons why I wasn't good today, not well prepared. But I won't... because, in the end, it doesn't matter. Get it done. I'm good enough to get by, but I can't rely on myself just absorbing music anymore. My professionalism as a musician must begin to match my professionalism as a performer. Gosh darn it.
Contrarily, I sang with my friend Charlie Williams's band Mira Mira, which combines classical piano and cello with bass and drums and some singing and beautiful poetry. I like rock music, because you can stop thinking so much about technique. It's not so demanding vocally, so the poetry and JUST MAKING MUSIC is all that matters. I needed that after today... and perhaps I need it more often, even once in awhile. The "Sara Salon" with Mark Bilyue and Dr. Brown was like that... just making music because it was fun. Art for the sake of art.
I feel weird, as my class is wrapping itself up with a bow and everyone feels nostalgic... I feel distant and not a part of it. I have missed many recitals because I've been in rehearsals or am just unable to make it from the suburbs. I miss the closeness I had felt with my friends in my class before, and so writing a letter to them was difficult in class yesterday... but I'd like to give it another go.
Dear friends and colleagues,
When I came to Roosevelt nearly 2 years ago, I was very lonely and scared. I had been away from music, from study, for a number of years and had lost myself as a singer. I also felt a void of friendship in Chicago, a place that I had always considered home. I was jetlagged from visiting a boyfriend in Paris who had made me cry non-stop the day before I left to come home. And I came here, scared of being bad, of being judged, of failing. And in this class I found some of the most amazing friends, and even those who I didn't get to know as well I learned from as both human beings and performers. We are all human... And I'm grateful for that, because the imperfections are what make art and music real and expressive and magical. I have experienced magic in so many performances, in words and gestures of kindness, in the support and friendships through breakups and other difficult times. And somewhere, in the midst of all this shit, we've all begun to learn how to be opera singers...
I will miss you all. And I wish I'd gotten to know many of you better than I did. Perhaps there's still time...
Much love,
Caitlin
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Auditions: Nashville and Florentine Opera
I think I have figured out the key to life: dresses with POCKETS!
Well, at least it has brought about some help during my audition process. I have found that in the emotional rush of an audition, I tend to not really remember how it went. I'll remember the completely fabulous and the totally awful, but it's difficult to really pick it apart after the fact. But I have been using the recording device on my phone for my voice lessons and tested its recording capabilities through from my pocket prior to my Nashville audition, and decided to give it a try. It recorded really well, and I was able to listen back with a critical ear. I tend to get carried away with the "theatrical" aspect of auditions/performing, so it was good to hear how it went vocally.
Nashville: I sang for the education director, Stuart Holt, who happened to have worked at Sarasota Opera back when I was a young artist there (small world, opera is!). I started with Lucretia, which works well because I just throw out those first notes and abandon all nerves. It shows top to bottom of my range as well as my dramatic "range". I felt like it was successful. Listening back, the only passage that was pretty off was "and time's their theif" which starts off on a pp D on the middle of the staff. It just makes me nervous, and you can hear it in my voice, when the passage should be one of the most expressive, free and tragic of the aria. He asked for the Habanera, which went well and I was happy to have it picked since I'm very comfortable with it after OSB. But I realized that I shouldn't feel nervous AT ALL about any piece I am offering. Beppe's good, but I didn't want him to pick it. What a Movie! is good, but there are always coordination issues. Va! is rusty. I realize that I must be very judicious as I pick my "5" for this coming fall audition season.
Florentine: I drove to Milwaukee thinking that I was going to sing Carmen to start, since I didn't know the accompanist and I figured I should play it safe. But then I got pulled over and given not one, but TWO tickets... one for speeding but 10 miles over the speed limit on the highway (come ON!) and another for expired liscence plates (I haven't made it to the DMV since being back in town... also don't have cash for the sticker... much less these tickets!). Needless to say, I was pissed and upset and in tears over the money, blah blah blah. So I had to do Lucretia. That's what I was feeling... And it went very well. The accompanist handled it beautifully. They must have liked it because they asked for half of the Habanera when they'd been asking for just one piece from most singers. Rockin! Again, I recorded it, and both pieces sounded pretty awesome (I'm not gloating... but just relishing in the fact that I'm no longer choking in auditions!!!). I could hold that last F# a bit longer, milk it. But other than that, it sounded in line and fun. Once I get all of my pieces feeling as comfortable and confident as those two arias, I will be really set to go.
Really... it's been such a journey. For some reason it just feels like it's sort of coming together... the breath support, the acting, the grounding of the sound. But I'm more actively making it happen, taking responsibility. In the end, no one can tell you how to do it, how to sing. You take in what teachers say, but you have to own the information and take responsibility for putting yourself into it, taking the risk. I am lucky to have finally found great guidance. Now I need to match that with the drive to implement all of the information, and make art.
Well, at least it has brought about some help during my audition process. I have found that in the emotional rush of an audition, I tend to not really remember how it went. I'll remember the completely fabulous and the totally awful, but it's difficult to really pick it apart after the fact. But I have been using the recording device on my phone for my voice lessons and tested its recording capabilities through from my pocket prior to my Nashville audition, and decided to give it a try. It recorded really well, and I was able to listen back with a critical ear. I tend to get carried away with the "theatrical" aspect of auditions/performing, so it was good to hear how it went vocally.
Nashville: I sang for the education director, Stuart Holt, who happened to have worked at Sarasota Opera back when I was a young artist there (small world, opera is!). I started with Lucretia, which works well because I just throw out those first notes and abandon all nerves. It shows top to bottom of my range as well as my dramatic "range". I felt like it was successful. Listening back, the only passage that was pretty off was "and time's their theif" which starts off on a pp D on the middle of the staff. It just makes me nervous, and you can hear it in my voice, when the passage should be one of the most expressive, free and tragic of the aria. He asked for the Habanera, which went well and I was happy to have it picked since I'm very comfortable with it after OSB. But I realized that I shouldn't feel nervous AT ALL about any piece I am offering. Beppe's good, but I didn't want him to pick it. What a Movie! is good, but there are always coordination issues. Va! is rusty. I realize that I must be very judicious as I pick my "5" for this coming fall audition season.
Florentine: I drove to Milwaukee thinking that I was going to sing Carmen to start, since I didn't know the accompanist and I figured I should play it safe. But then I got pulled over and given not one, but TWO tickets... one for speeding but 10 miles over the speed limit on the highway (come ON!) and another for expired liscence plates (I haven't made it to the DMV since being back in town... also don't have cash for the sticker... much less these tickets!). Needless to say, I was pissed and upset and in tears over the money, blah blah blah. So I had to do Lucretia. That's what I was feeling... And it went very well. The accompanist handled it beautifully. They must have liked it because they asked for half of the Habanera when they'd been asking for just one piece from most singers. Rockin! Again, I recorded it, and both pieces sounded pretty awesome (I'm not gloating... but just relishing in the fact that I'm no longer choking in auditions!!!). I could hold that last F# a bit longer, milk it. But other than that, it sounded in line and fun. Once I get all of my pieces feeling as comfortable and confident as those two arias, I will be really set to go.
Really... it's been such a journey. For some reason it just feels like it's sort of coming together... the breath support, the acting, the grounding of the sound. But I'm more actively making it happen, taking responsibility. In the end, no one can tell you how to do it, how to sing. You take in what teachers say, but you have to own the information and take responsibility for putting yourself into it, taking the risk. I am lucky to have finally found great guidance. Now I need to match that with the drive to implement all of the information, and make art.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Website!
Welcome to www.caitlinmckechney.com!
Considering I created it myself on iweb, I'm pretty happy with the results! Considering that a "budget" website would be at least $800, I decided to take this into my own hands. Thanks to the customer service reps at GoDaddy.com for helping this technologically inept artsy chick figure out how to take my pretty picture of a website and actually make it work!
Considering I created it myself on iweb, I'm pretty happy with the results! Considering that a "budget" website would be at least $800, I decided to take this into my own hands. Thanks to the customer service reps at GoDaddy.com for helping this technologically inept artsy chick figure out how to take my pretty picture of a website and actually make it work!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
"The darkest hour is just before the dawn." PART DEUX
Two beautiful images I found when I googled the proverb/lyric. This is obviously Monet... of all in this series, I love the colors in this one.
This was some random person's photograph. I think it is awesome. That is all.
"The darkest hour is just before the dawn."
... A proverb, I suppose. I know the quote from listening to Crosby, Stills and Nash as a junior high kid. And it actually doesn't make sense, since of course as the sun rises over the horizon gradually, slowly covering the stars with a blanket of light. But, as a saying, it's sometimes heartening.
I write honestly here because, really, I don't think many people read this (hi, James, if you're catching this again... :-)). I wanted to write about the finance class we had on Friday in class, and I started an entry yesterday... but I couldn't write it. I couldn't work through the blaring irony that, more so than any time in my life before, I'm broke. I had these great experiences this "semester", which I am so grateful for, but it's been very hard to find a job that will work with my upcoming rehearsal schedule (I rehearse at basically all times I could work at a restaurant). Lessons and parking and train tickets have depleted my last paycheck from OSB. So all of the fabulous information about savings and chipping away at debt is for naught.
At least for now. I'm having a moment of pointed frustration that will hopefully be a dark time before things get better, easier. I am faced with many issues regarding my "package" as a singer and there are vocal issues I need to iron out while finding and rehearsing the right audition pieces, but everything we do as a singer takes money. So it's a catch 22... and it's just getting me down today.
But I'll be honest, I looked up what it takes to get into law school today. I may have my recent addiction to Law and Order to blame for that, but that was actually the only A+ I ever got in a regular class that wasn't art or music. I think it has more to do with the fact that I have had a bit of a cough and my coaching with Martin Katz didn't go as well as I would have liked. He's great (obviously!) and his comments actually steered me in the right direction with my set of arias, but I really wanted to sing awesomely for him. And I was just mediocre. Dammit. But it's almost funny how, despite loads of encouragement and successes over the past months, one negative experience makes it all seem somewhat hopeless. Like how do you ever make money, have a family... or even a relationship, a home? I think I might love being a lawyer, or a teacher, or even a librarian! And there are moments where I guess you have to think, "Do I really want to be a singer so much that none of that none of these things are an option?" It's an easy question to answer... but the problem is that you have to keep asking it at every juncture.
I'm hoping, as my title suggests, that this is just a dark moment before things brighten and improve. I have direction, which is a start. All I need now is a job to pay for lessons...
I write honestly here because, really, I don't think many people read this (hi, James, if you're catching this again... :-)). I wanted to write about the finance class we had on Friday in class, and I started an entry yesterday... but I couldn't write it. I couldn't work through the blaring irony that, more so than any time in my life before, I'm broke. I had these great experiences this "semester", which I am so grateful for, but it's been very hard to find a job that will work with my upcoming rehearsal schedule (I rehearse at basically all times I could work at a restaurant). Lessons and parking and train tickets have depleted my last paycheck from OSB. So all of the fabulous information about savings and chipping away at debt is for naught.
At least for now. I'm having a moment of pointed frustration that will hopefully be a dark time before things get better, easier. I am faced with many issues regarding my "package" as a singer and there are vocal issues I need to iron out while finding and rehearsing the right audition pieces, but everything we do as a singer takes money. So it's a catch 22... and it's just getting me down today.
But I'll be honest, I looked up what it takes to get into law school today. I may have my recent addiction to Law and Order to blame for that, but that was actually the only A+ I ever got in a regular class that wasn't art or music. I think it has more to do with the fact that I have had a bit of a cough and my coaching with Martin Katz didn't go as well as I would have liked. He's great (obviously!) and his comments actually steered me in the right direction with my set of arias, but I really wanted to sing awesomely for him. And I was just mediocre. Dammit. But it's almost funny how, despite loads of encouragement and successes over the past months, one negative experience makes it all seem somewhat hopeless. Like how do you ever make money, have a family... or even a relationship, a home? I think I might love being a lawyer, or a teacher, or even a librarian! And there are moments where I guess you have to think, "Do I really want to be a singer so much that none of that none of these things are an option?" It's an easy question to answer... but the problem is that you have to keep asking it at every juncture.
I'm hoping, as my title suggests, that this is just a dark moment before things brighten and improve. I have direction, which is a start. All I need now is a job to pay for lessons...
Monday, April 6, 2009
Musical Theater with Luis Perez
I really enjoyed the Musical Theater master class with Luis Perez... and not just because the man has actually performed with Marin Mazzie in Sondgeim's "Passion", possibly my favorite musical theater piece EVER! The class focused particularly on acting, with side notes about the singing, and each time a specific "beat" or moment in the piece was isolated and highlighted, the music itself really came alive. As an audience member, it was easy to extract this information and apply it directly to opera arias and auditions. Why aren't we expected to do this detail work dramatically in opera? Probably because the singing aspect is so much more difficult and specific, but sometimes I really believe that if the dramatic intent is correct, it make the vocalism easier and more natural. Emotion sometimes begets good technique.
Personally, I felt ok about my performance. I had been sitting throughout the whole class and so hadn't made a noise for over 2 hours when I got up to sing. And still it went ok. I felt bizarre vocally, like the sound was labored in coming out, but I recorded it and it actually sounded pretty good, except for one flat note in the 1st verse and then the weird emotional thing that happened at the end of my second time through, where the notes just didn't come out at all on pitch because my throat was overwhelmed with emotion. Mr. Perez said something very true about the learning process about a piece... you have to learn the notes first, then learn the emotions and go all the way with it, forgoing the technique... and finally, you take those emotions, but have a "monitor" going on the whole time that keeps your technique in check. I think that's a good breakdown.
I'm mad at myself for still doing "opera arms". I watched my performance of Kiss Me Kate a couple of years ago and was horrified at how boring and stiff I was. So I think I overcompensated, which Mr. Perez observed, saying most people he has to beg to act, but with me he'd say "act less." I'm mad at myself because I've done so much work on my acting over the past couple of years, but I think that since I've gotten out of my head and liberated myself on stage (a credit I do give to Kiss Me Kate and David Walters, my director there with Nightblue Theater), it is not my responsibility to become more specific and controlled in my choices. Choices... that is key. That things don't just happen as a result of emotion and haphazard movements that come as a result.
So this is my goal. Don't just be a decent actress, the phenomenon of an opera singer that actually acts. I want to be a great actress, like those actresses I really admire.
More later.
Personally, I felt ok about my performance. I had been sitting throughout the whole class and so hadn't made a noise for over 2 hours when I got up to sing. And still it went ok. I felt bizarre vocally, like the sound was labored in coming out, but I recorded it and it actually sounded pretty good, except for one flat note in the 1st verse and then the weird emotional thing that happened at the end of my second time through, where the notes just didn't come out at all on pitch because my throat was overwhelmed with emotion. Mr. Perez said something very true about the learning process about a piece... you have to learn the notes first, then learn the emotions and go all the way with it, forgoing the technique... and finally, you take those emotions, but have a "monitor" going on the whole time that keeps your technique in check. I think that's a good breakdown.
I'm mad at myself for still doing "opera arms". I watched my performance of Kiss Me Kate a couple of years ago and was horrified at how boring and stiff I was. So I think I overcompensated, which Mr. Perez observed, saying most people he has to beg to act, but with me he'd say "act less." I'm mad at myself because I've done so much work on my acting over the past couple of years, but I think that since I've gotten out of my head and liberated myself on stage (a credit I do give to Kiss Me Kate and David Walters, my director there with Nightblue Theater), it is not my responsibility to become more specific and controlled in my choices. Choices... that is key. That things don't just happen as a result of emotion and haphazard movements that come as a result.
So this is my goal. Don't just be a decent actress, the phenomenon of an opera singer that actually acts. I want to be a great actress, like those actresses I really admire.
More later.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
trying to stay up to date...
I'm amazed that performers go from one gig straight to the next. Perhaps its easier when you're not an "opera slave", where 9-12 hour days are not uncommon. But I've been home for over a week and still feel a little like a truck hit me and I'm still not unpacked... That is an even more daunting task because I'm trying to make room for my new life in a room that holds all of my stuff from high school and college as well. I'm in the midst of reorganizing and giving away boatloads of old clothes... though at this moment I'm admittedly using this blog to procrastinate. ;-)
It's been good to be back. I've enjoyed observing performance class again, and the lack of a job has allowed me the freedom to go into school and practice for a number of hours when I do go in for class. Friday I will sing "So In Love" for a musical theater master class in Grad Seminar. I look forward to that. I watched my video of Kiss Me, Kate from 2007 when I played Lilli/Kate with Nightblue Theater's production... and the positive part of that experience was seeing how far I've come as a performer during my time in grad school! Watching and listening to yourself is such an incredible tool (though sometimes painful) because you don't fully understand the importance of certain vocal and theatrical techniques until you observe them from an audience's perspective. Watching my rendition of So In Love from that show, I observed what I as an audience member wanted to see in the performance, and on Friday I will try to execute that.
I liked watching the conducting master class last week. Again, there is an emphasis on what makes you a good colleague and someone that would hopefully be hired back. These issues are imperative, arguably even more important in this day and age that an unbelievable natural gift.
Connections from OSB: I've been trying to capitalize upon my relationships from OSB. I contacted Lara Bolton about writing letters of recommendation for my YAP applications next year (SO far in advance, but I figured its better than later and she can be thinking about them while our experiences are still fresh in her memory), as well as asked her opinion about my options for next year. She says go for the big ones, because even the singers at Merola still have things to figure out. So I will, and I'll act the hell out of that audition. I also contacted Scott Jussila, who I find to be, like Lara, kind and open and easy to talk to. I wanted his opinions regarding my "package" since he was also in my final audition for Josh Winograde, James Marvel and Maestro Ryvkin. He recognized that there's a big voice inside of this little package, and I need to capitalize on that. I will try to meet up with him in person, if anything because I think face-to-face meetings are preferable and I just like him and his energy! I've also contacted James Marvel in hopes to schedule a coaching with him when he's in Chicago for the CS convention. I loved what he did with the Lucretia piece and hope to work on my other arias with him so that they are ready for the audition season next year.
Ok... I've written as much as I can without completely rambling. Time to start cleaning!!!
It's been good to be back. I've enjoyed observing performance class again, and the lack of a job has allowed me the freedom to go into school and practice for a number of hours when I do go in for class. Friday I will sing "So In Love" for a musical theater master class in Grad Seminar. I look forward to that. I watched my video of Kiss Me, Kate from 2007 when I played Lilli/Kate with Nightblue Theater's production... and the positive part of that experience was seeing how far I've come as a performer during my time in grad school! Watching and listening to yourself is such an incredible tool (though sometimes painful) because you don't fully understand the importance of certain vocal and theatrical techniques until you observe them from an audience's perspective. Watching my rendition of So In Love from that show, I observed what I as an audience member wanted to see in the performance, and on Friday I will try to execute that.
I liked watching the conducting master class last week. Again, there is an emphasis on what makes you a good colleague and someone that would hopefully be hired back. These issues are imperative, arguably even more important in this day and age that an unbelievable natural gift.
Connections from OSB: I've been trying to capitalize upon my relationships from OSB. I contacted Lara Bolton about writing letters of recommendation for my YAP applications next year (SO far in advance, but I figured its better than later and she can be thinking about them while our experiences are still fresh in her memory), as well as asked her opinion about my options for next year. She says go for the big ones, because even the singers at Merola still have things to figure out. So I will, and I'll act the hell out of that audition. I also contacted Scott Jussila, who I find to be, like Lara, kind and open and easy to talk to. I wanted his opinions regarding my "package" since he was also in my final audition for Josh Winograde, James Marvel and Maestro Ryvkin. He recognized that there's a big voice inside of this little package, and I need to capitalize on that. I will try to meet up with him in person, if anything because I think face-to-face meetings are preferable and I just like him and his energy! I've also contacted James Marvel in hopes to schedule a coaching with him when he's in Chicago for the CS convention. I loved what he did with the Lucretia piece and hope to work on my other arias with him so that they are ready for the audition season next year.
Ok... I've written as much as I can without completely rambling. Time to start cleaning!!!
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